Gilmore Girls Guy

It's smaller than the Moon, and your mom

2009-03-13T00:00:00.008-05:00

Apparently, I talk more about Pluto than I do about anything else in astronomy in the blog. To me, that betrays two things: I don't have a deep enough interest in astronomy to study it for a living, and I am passionate about how people are under-informed about this world's proper, albeit poorly named, status.

I'm breaking this rant down based on all the foolish reasons my home state's Senate has used to justify their resolution for Pluto being a planet as it passes "overhead through Illinois' night skies."

WHEREAS, Dr. Tombaugh is so far the only Illinoisan and only American to ever discover a planet;

This operates on the conceit that Pluto may be defined as a planet. If that is the case, then Eris must be defined as a planet as well. The discovers of Eris are all American, and one (Chad Trujillo) grew up in Oak Park, Illinois.

WHEREAS, For more than 75 years, Pluto was considered the ninth planet of the Solar System;

Yeah, and when Pluto was initially discovered, people thought it was the gas giant they were calling "Planet X" (not ten, ecks). It wasn't until Charon was discovered thirty years ago that we were sure Pluto was so small. Also, Ceres, along with three other asteroids, were considered planets for over forty years, losing the title when it was determined in the 1840s they weren't the only objects in that orbit. Pluto isn't the only object in a 2:3 resonant orbit with Neptune. Hence the creation of the "plutino" designation.

WHEREAS, A spacecraft called New Horizons was launched in January 2006 to explore Pluto in the year 2015;

So the eff what? People want to know about this iceball. The spacecraft Dawn is going to a couple of asteroids (including Ceres) in 2011. We have sent probes to comets and asteroids (and have more planned) in the past. Why does this POS statement qualify as "whereas"? Why has my rhetoric escalated?

WHEREAS, Pluto has three moons: Charon, Nix, and Hydra;

Oh yeah, for reasons as inane as this. Mercury and Venus have no moons; does the Illinois Senate want to demote them? Eris is orbited by Dysnomia; that's why we know it is bigger than Pluto. Some of the asteroids have natural satellites around them as well. Whoop-dee-doo.

WHEREAS, Pluto's average orbit is more than three billion miles from the sun (sic);

OK, my opinion of the last three clauses show I probably don't know enough about legislation. I'm guessing these are either here as padding, or to properly define Pluto in the legislation. I like how the last statement ignores that Pluto's orbit is unlike any of the eight planets, signifying to me that it isn't one of the major non-stellar objects in the Solar System. Its orbit is very elliptical, and its orbital plane is far off of those of the planets. That tells me that when the cloud of stuff that formed the Sun condensed into a disk, the ice and rock that formed Pluto was not very involved in that particular coalescence.

WHEREAS, Pluto was unfairly downgraded to a "dwarf" planet (sic) in a vote in which only 4 percent of the International Astronomical Union's 10,000 scientists participated;

The first clause is seethingly subjective, especially for a Democratic-run body whose party claimed to want to get politics out of science during the Bush Administration. As for the second clause, have they never heard of union representatives? Do they expect a quorum of IAU members to descend on Prague? The UN General Assembly does not consist of the entire governments from each country, or even a representative from each branch of government. Some universities only had one professor attend this vote, because that's all their budget would allow. Would you prefer an online vote?

WHEREAS, Many respected astronomers believe Pluto's full planetary status should be restored;

Seriously? You pulled the "many" card? The same majority party whose constituents may hate it when the "many" card is thrown out by evolution opponents, or by those who don't think that climate change is a real concern?

This is journalistic laziness, and if it is considered germane for legislation, then I want no part of it.

A follow-up to past reverie, and the usual mini-rant

2009-03-11T11:17:00.005-05:00

So, nearly four years ago I wrote this post, relating a story about drunken Japanese baseball fans dumping a statue of Col. Sanders into a river in Osaka. After 23 years, most of the statue has been recovered. I'd like to thank my recent favorite site, Deadspin, for the link. The Hanshin Tigers no longer have an excuse, just like the Detroit Tigers. Losing to an NL team that won 83 games, feh.

NFL overtime rules proposal

2008-12-12T13:57:00.003-06:00

I haven't heard this idea floated around, but I think it may be a better way to determine the opening possession than a coin toss. Instead of starting the overtime period with a kickoff in the sense of the beginning of a half, we could have overtime be a direct continuation of the fourth quarter, the same way the second and fourth quarters begin. This way, there is no arbitrary coin toss that often determines who wins in overtime, and teams that couldn't put together a game-tying drive until the end of regulation would be penalized*, since the other team gets the ball to open the overtime period.

UPDATE AS I WRITE THIS–I just realized that the following situation would arise eventually: during a tie game, a team would advance the ball slowly enough that their drive could continue seamlessly to the overtime period. This would take eliminate the drama from some game-winning drives, e.g. the Patriots three Super Bowls were ended with field goals to break a tie. My proposed format ultimately reduces the need for a "two-minute drill" offense.

I welcome comments on this half-baked idea. I would rather have an NFL-style overtime over college football's format, but the opening possession needs to be better resolved. Home field advantage, or some concessions to the team that starts on defense?

*This idea came to me when thinking about the Bears weak but successful comeback against the Saints today.

A weird admission

2008-11-05T23:55:00.002-06:00

A couple days ago, I realized that I voted for each major presidential candidate before this year.

In 2000 I was heading to the Republican caucuses*, but I realized the folly of voting for GWB. The most sensible alternative was McCain before becoming an independent at the end of the night.

In 2004, I sent an absentee ballot from Japan to Illinois and made the obvious selection for the vacant Senate seat.

*I grew up in Naperville, give me a break.

What's Salieri's take on Idaho high school football?

2008-10-31T00:07:00.002-05:00

After reading anecdotes from the celebration on Broad Street after the Phillies won yesterday, this was the most appalling thing I read today.

Jesus backs up his files

2008-10-23T08:31:00.001-05:00

...and you can too, with this cross USB flash drive.

http://usb.brando.com.hk/prod_detail.php?prod_id=00383

An open letter to Twins fans

2008-09-26T00:20:00.002-05:00

I know I'm on hiatus, but I've only spent the hiatus following baseball, and I need to vent.

I'm gonna try to refrain from writing a screed about the White Sox-Twins "rivalry" here. I'll just say I'm mad, I've seen these games before, and I have no one to blame for it but my own freaking team. Also, if the Metrodome would collapse tomorrow under its own suck, I wouldn't mind. Bring on Target Field!

Here's a question for the Twins fans I know. Is there any explanation for fans at the Metrodome throwing back a home run ball hit by an opposing player, other than they stole it from the Cub fans' own stupid tradition? When Justin Morneau hit a game-winning home run two rows behind me at the Metrodome last year, I wanted to catch and keep that ball. When Ken Griffey's 611th home run was caught on Wednesday, the guy had no qualms about flinging that back on the field.

Do some people think that's a tradition throughout baseball? Honestly?

Thanks for tolerating the vindictive nature of my question.

P.S. Justin Morneau's HR was caught by a Sox fan. He pretended to throw it back. Good times.

My God! My God!

2008-08-13T00:55:00.002-05:00

It looks like Jim Leach, the former representative of Iowa City's congressional district, has bucked party lines again to support Barack Obama and to try to persuade Chuck Hagel to join his side.

Considering Joe Lieberman's continued support of John McCain as well, I was really getting a WCW vs. nWo vibe from all of this. It seemed like Hagel was just sitting in the catwalk with Crow-ripoff makeup, observing the carnage and betrayal below. I would go further with this, but since I have a hard time remembering which stable I liked more 10 years ago, as well as which side was properly face (see: Wolfpac vs. Hollywood), I will leave this for Salieri if he is interested.

Please leave a message

2008-08-04T18:18:00.002-05:00

Gilmore Girls Guy can't come to the blog right now, because he's going to finish his master's thesis first. For an update, he just moved in with the Pookman recently, and he is going to the Great Taste of the Midwest in Madison this weekend. He will return to his sporadic complaints and random, dorky notes eventually. Ciao for now.

Two-for-one today

2008-06-30T21:07:00.003-05:00

First, the backstory:
Due to a lovely snafu last year, I had some issues receiving federal tax information. To fix it, I had to fill out a change of address form, and all of my mail has gone to Illinois ever since. The moral of the story? The post office sucks, or never fill out a change of address from your parents' house.

Now, the actual story:
So, I went to my parents' home this weekend to go to a Chicago Fire match. I pick up my mail, and contained within the bunch is an invitation to join the Sierra Club. I'm very conflicted about this. Have I become this crazy of a liberal? Has my environmentalism become such a red* flag? Heh.

*Red in the Cold War sense, not the Electoral College** sense.

**Have I stated my opinions on this issue before? I believe I should. That will be fun.

Pluto is now a plutino and a plutoid

2008-06-14T22:30:00.006-05:00

A follow-up on a previous post is in order, since the International Astronomical Union (IAU) gave a new arbitrary designation to dwarf planets outside of Neptune's orbit. As opposed to calling it the No Ceres Club, they are calling these objects "plutoids." Apparently, committees were formed and had to convene during IAU conferences and everything. All that work to think up the word "plutoid." Great. At least I don't have to say "dwarf planet" as often, I guess.

Bwah ha ha!

2008-06-05T08:57:00.002-05:00

So many weakly crafted jokes, so little time. Anyhow, read the story about how folks in Cape Cod "lost" a lighthouse, but someone figured out it has actually been near San Francisco for over 80 years.

Three weeks since a post, and I come back nitpicking

2008-06-03T19:59:00.003-05:00

A press release shown at space.com and at MSNBC's website discusses the results of a study on the spiral arms of the Galaxy. (Just to pretend that I'm an educator, when I capitalize "galaxy," I'm referring to our galaxy, the Milky Way. Also, the word galaxy comes from from the Greek word "galaktikos," meaning "milky.")

The article informs us that with improved observations thanks to the Spitzer Space Telescope, two of the spiral arms of the galaxy are noticeably denser than the other two, lending support to the theory of the Galaxy having a central bar. Stop me if I've lost you.

Since brevity is paramount in crafting headlines, they all claim that the Milky Way has lost two arms, as if they fell off due to leprosy or a knife fight*. I was gonna say this bothers me like how headlines seemed to imply that Pluto disappeared after its demotion, but I don't think that was ever the case. So, I will say this bothers me like how the IAU chose to call anything that isn't a planet a "dwarf planet," which makes people think the "dwarf" part is superfluous. Couldn't they use the term "microplanet," "planetoid," "planetesimal," or something else that is hard for people to spell correctly?

Here's my extra-silly suggestion: Make it like RPG levels. (Stop here if you don't care. I'm serious.)

Objects that orbit the Sun but aren't round are level 1 planets, e.g. all the asteroids except one.
Objects that are large enough to be round are level 2 (Pluto, Eris, Ceres).
Objects that have cleared their orbital region are level 3 (Mercury).
Level 4 could be an atmosphere requirement that would would be somewhere around the thickness of Mars, either above or below.
Level 5 would require enough mass to retain hydrogen in the atmosphere, which would include Jupiter through Neptune, and Level 6 could separate the more hydrogen-rich giants from the giants rich in methane and ammonia.

I would stop here, because if Jupiter were over 12 times more massive, it would be able fuse nucleii. Not hydrogen, mind you, but it still transcends the heavy rock phase to the hot burning object phase. However, it gives me a jumping off point for this horrid digression, because these objects are unfortunately named "brown dwarfs."

*That's a big knife. And a big knife fight.

Not every day, mind you.

2008-05-13T13:42:00.001-05:00

I believe I have been doing this for at least seven years.

He ridiculed me calling me a bum

2008-05-07T20:38:00.005-05:00

Subject of our debate tonight: the Mortal Kombat vs. DC fighting game, or, How much ass would Batman whip if Batman could whip ass in a video game?

Taking the late Wesley Willis's side is the webcomic Bigger Than Cheeses, who believes Batman will go emo and his tears will be frozen by Sub-Zero en route to a rapid demise.

Answering Dr. McNinja's question, "What would Batman do?", the webcomic Shortpacked shows Batman's displeasure at the removal of fatality moves for the upcoming game as he quickly dispatches Sub-Zero.

The winners? Violence and chiropractors, since both artists used Sub-Zero's signature fatality manoeuvre.

The loser? I'm gonna have to go with Glacier on this one. So sad.

My Morgan Spurlock impression

2008-05-05T10:37:00.003-05:00

While I haven't been posting for the last three weeks, I haven't been shaving either. Call it "No Shave ~~November~~ April" or "No Shavril" if you know French (which I don't). I did it because my ISU friends have never seen my horrible mustache, which can be found on Facebook (at a wedding, no less).

My facial hair is varicolored, and the hair above my lips comes in rather slowly, so I planned to grow out the whole beard for six weeks. The goal was to get this out of the way before wedding season begins at the end of the month. After three weeks, I got sick of much of the beard, and gave it a decent trim. Now, like many of the folks in the 2002 World Cup, I have decided to play with it.

I chose the photo that looked the goofiest for this post. Enjoy.

Gets a bit Boston-heavy today

2008-04-13T15:02:00.004-05:00

The Red Sox-Yankees rivalry may be odious to outside observers (myself included), but at least some folks are quite clever in their pranks. Take, for example, the attempt by a construction worker to jinx the new Stadium with a David Ortiz jersey buried in the concrete.

I also found the worker's first name, Gino, rather amusing, because it reminded me of a recent Celtics tradition.

This is rather messed up

2008-04-09T10:43:00.003-05:00

The guy married his donor's widow?! ...And he also shot himself? (Side note: I found this while looking through Warren Ellis's blog. He rocks.)

I hope Bibguy catches the reference

2008-03-28T00:21:00.004-05:00

While wasting time in between reading research articles, I finally looked at the "Heroes" viral marketing site, "Activating Evolution," set up as Dr. Suresh's research website. On there, there is a very crisp color photo of his sister, who died of the show's version of the Legacy Virus about 30 years ago. Comparably, the only photo he has of his father is in black and white. Couldn't they have tried to age the girl's photo? Don't they know how nitpicky the fans of this show would be?

I finally use "titular" in a blog post

2008-03-26T23:34:00.004-05:00

Tonight's episode of South Park destroyed me. This "very special episode" completely blew away Family Guy's treatment of frog-licking. Having all the "Heavy Metal" segments with the titular "Major Boobage" was icing on the cake.

But no, they decided to add the a la mode with, of all things, a parody of "Diary of a Young Girl."

I was thinking this season was slightly weak, but now I know. They were biding their time.

P.S. Great Silda Spitzer reference.

Everybody's got 'em, and they all stink

2008-03-21T03:41:00.003-05:00

It's so strange not doing a tournament pool this year. Seattle will do that for you. Also, I have been playing catch-up when I have been tourist-ing, because I wasn't prepared to deal with all the TA responsibilities I had in the week before spring break.

I did catch the end of Belmont-Duke this evening. That was entertaining, until the inevitable, at least.

A timeline

2008-03-02T10:55:00.002-06:00

My drop-dead date for graduation in May is March 28. I have to schedule a final oral examination by then (three weeks in advance), which I presume means I have to have a thesis draft in my committee's hands by that date as well.

Failing that, I have to have my final oral examination by May 19 (scheduled in the last week of April), lest I have to register for classes in the summer. If I have to do that, I probably won't have a teaching assistantship waiting for me, which means no in-state tuition waiver, no tuition covered by the graduate college, and no tuition covered by the department.

Is it getting warm in here?

Snap judgments give me whiplash

2008-02-14T09:30:00.004-06:00

I'm sure most of you see enough news (or news filtration) to know more about the potential implications of the Hillary-Obama-Thing (H.O.T.*) than me. Here's an amusing summary.

This is just my uninformed opinion, but I really don't think the superdelegates would ever try to trump the cumulative results of the primaries, caucuses, conventions, town hall meetings, hand counts, text message votes, and American Idol call-in votes. Granted, the Republicans have their own in-fighting as they talk themselves into supporting McCain, but everyone is aware that the GOP will get a leg up on the Democrats if the H.O.T. is unresolved. Having the superdelegates trump the cumulative primary/caucus/state convention/American Idol call-in votes would only exacerbate this problem.

*I think this is what we should call this issue from now on.

It's like Chubby Hubby, but just as evil.

2008-02-11T17:00:00.000-06:00

So, I have a favorite candy bar, which is the following confluence of flavors:

However, those Blue Bunny bastiches decided to re-create this in ice cream form, destroying Ben & Jerry's dominance of my refrigerator.

It's gooooooood. Sorry if this enables anybody else's addictions.

Why did I root for the Patriots?

2008-02-10T16:02:00.000-06:00

Last week, I kept hearing the same thing from people: "I'm rooting for the Giants." The reasons fell along the same line, from the Patriots' (and Boston's) recent success to the videotaping scandal. I found a litany of reasons to explain my support of the Patriots. I knew I would be the only one supporting them, but I did it anyway. I truly wanted to see an undefeated season; I can't expect my favorite team to achieve that.

With some retrospection, at least I can take two things from this: Tiki Barber looks like a complete jackass, and with the muse of heartbreak, maybe Bill Simmons's (the inspiration for the third G in the name of the blog) columns will improve in quality.

A morbid speculation, a conspiracy theory, an honest question (and answer)

2008-02-07T09:49:00.000-06:00

##POLITICS WARNING: PLEASE FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS##

I know the country is better now, but I still think if Sen. Obama gets elected, there's bound to be an assassination attempt. Heck, there might be, even if Sen. Clinton gets the nomination. This pessimism was bolstered by Obama being called a "black Kennedy" in Doonesbury. Sigh.

So, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Pat Buchanan, et al. have been questioning Sen. McCain's conservatism lately. As opposed to the Mitt Romney's vacillating opinions from the last fifteen years. What if they are doing it to make him more palatable in the general election? They certainly know how uncommitted voters respond to their brand of vitriol. Has reverse psychology been used at other times in politcal history?

Will these United States ever elect another fat President? (No.)

The second paragraph is rather "re"-heavy

2008-02-06T15:18:00.000-06:00

I really enjoy it when the folks at Slate write sniping columns against each other. Recently, Ron Rosenbaum, whom I only notice when he inveighs against something, heaped praise on incandescent bulbs last week. The Green Lantern of Slate's sector, Brendan Koerner, fired off a missive this week in defense of CFLs.

This reminded me of when the webmag's personal firebrand, Christopher Hitchens, wrote an article for Vanity Fair last year, respectfully titled, "Why Women Aren't Funny." This resulted in two responses: columnist Dahlia Lithwick's clever retort in her obituary of Molly Ivins, and Laura Kipnis's book review of humorist Patricia Marx's latest work.

There, I said it.

2008-02-04T14:44:00.000-06:00

IPod's headphones suck. I knew about this for years, because of their utter lack of background noise cancelling abilities, which contribute to ear damage from turning up the volume. I had them on for the last 4.5 hours and I can already feel like my ears have been to a concert.

Also, the ear buds fall out constantly, which was quite annoying while I ran this morning.

I'm only making this observation now because until recently, I was able to use other headphones. No more. I think I shall follow the well-travelled Bluetooth route.

Also, I will write later about yesterday's ripping good footballing contest.

That's not incense and peppermints, it's burning vinyl

2008-01-30T00:14:00.000-06:00

Google's WikiHow link today was "How to Make a Salvador Dali Clock." This sounded interesting, until I found out you have to destroy a vinyl record to do so. I do enjoy the warnings though, which remind people of the temperature of things removed from an oven, and the etiquette of taking a friend's record and giving them back a clock.

At least there was the cutesy use of a Strawberry Alarm Clock record for the demonstration.

North, to Nebraska. ...No, wait.

2008-01-18T13:54:00.000-06:00

Ah, five states this month. At the beginning of the month, I went with the fam to visit my brother, who is employed by a French company in Central Arkansas. I capitalized the "C" since the town is the home of UCA, Scottie Pippen's alma mater. Go Bears. While there, we went to the Clinton Presidential Library and Museum in Little Rock. No, I couldn't help but notice that the building looked rather long.

Anyways, this post is about Wednesday. My friend Kim wanted to attend a concert in Omaha featuring two bands he's seen perform in Europe, the Reverend Horton Heat (hereafter tRHH) and Nashville Pussy. I recall when tRHH came to IC while I was there, but I didn't attend a show. To rectify this, I was more than happy to provide a ride, since Kim is sans voiture.

They played at the Sokol Auditorium, which is better described as a ballroom. I especially enjoyed the smoking ban inside, as well as the spare earplugs Kim offered me. Yeah, I'm old; I also like hearing. Due to the low profile of the bands, the place was only 75% to capacity. I could walk around most of the place without trouble, but there were enough people to start a mosh pit. I've never seen bald guys in a pit before.

Nashville Pussy has a female lead guitarist (she's married to the lead singer) and they make it a point to have a female bass player. I celebrate this diversity. I wish a more salient point came to mind about this band.

For those who are not familiar, I would describe tRHH as Dick Dale with rockabilly overtones. Needless to say, I loved his show. TRHH played "Greensleeves," of all things, calling it the first "serf guitar" song. Huh-yuck. :)

Anyways, two ridiculous points stuck out that night. The first was driving three hours each way in a nice snowstorm. Classic GGG (that's me, in case you forgot). The other was the dinner experience. Kim is a Morrissey-type, so I found a Persian restaurant (Ahmad's) nearby, which had some veg options. The food was good, if expensive. However, we didn't expect to see an eighty dollar bill. Our beverage cost was 46 dollars alone. For Taj Mahal and Kronenbourg 1664. Upon further inquiry, we found that the waitress took our food total, added each drink price, and made that our beverage total. Words fail me. Kind words, at least.

We still had time after dinner, so we headed next door, to a place called Mister Toad Library and Pub. The nerd in me clamored to go there to see what treasures lay within. While enjoying an Irish coffee, I found there is indeed a library motif in one half of the pub, although I didn't check to see if the books were more than decoration. The piano was real. The bathroom was amusing, since the sides of Drambuie cases were used in lieu of wallpaper. The pub itself was littered with toad paraphernalia. For the curious bibliophiles who may be reading, here's the catch: Omaha bars still allow smoking. I was really envious of home at that moment.

India rules!

2008-01-17T21:41:00.001-06:00

My tale of yesterday's trip to Omaha should come tomorrow. But today, the acme of all news stories, from last month.

With no power

2008-01-15T00:16:00.000-06:00

I just witnessed a shoplifter tonight. As I was walking into the West Ames Hy-Vee, I was walking around a guy as one of the cashiers said, "Sir!" rather loudly. The guy impassively continued toward the exit, so the cashier ran up and grabbed the guy's shoulder. The guy wrested away from the cashier's grasp and runs out, and the cashier called the man in charge of security.

Meanwhile, I thought to myself for the next several minutes, "I could have stopped that guy." I later convinced myself that it was petty theft, not worth risking personal harm, and I had just walked into the store with no understanding of the situation.

Of course, I also thought about how the guy might end up killing my Uncle Ben. That would suck.

You won't care about this

2008-01-04T22:49:00.000-06:00

1. Bakers Square was owned by Pillsbury once. It was called Poppin' Fresh Pies. This is the biggest sign that I was born in the Eighties, and didn't live in the Eighties.

2. Bakers Square is a wholly owned subsidiary of the company that owns Village Inn. This knowledge blew away a quarter century of clouds in my mind, which I didn't even know existed until I came to Iowa eight years ago. This is because there are no Village Inns in Illinois, except near the River. The Des Moines area has three Bakers Squares, oases in the desert of Village Inns across Iowa. I never knew that the lack of overlap was due to their affiliation.

3. Why is there overlap in Des Moines? The original Bakers Square (neé Mrs. C's) started there.

These are the things that fascinate me when I have a project due five hours ago.

A freezing fog advisory?

2007-12-31T08:20:00.000-06:00

Why have I never heard of this before? Maybe that was featured in the Stephen King movie that came out this year. Or, I just realized, they may have been saving that for the sequel.

A new pet peeve!

2007-12-26T16:38:00.000-06:00

Racing stripes look fine when you can see them over the whole car. They do not look cool when they are on an SUV. I hope I just never see them neglecting to use a turn signal, or I would be really peeved.

Side note: I found racing stripes used as a tattoo in my Google Image Search for this post. I have learned my SafeSearch lesson.

with no sitcoms or Bears worth mentioning, I update my life

2007-12-20T12:37:00.000-06:00

So, semester number 3 is done. Or, semester number 13, or, year number 19 1/2 is done, depending how you look at it. Do we count kindergarten and preschool in this, or am I too old to actually be concerned with this, especially since I barely remember anything before first grade?

OK, back to twenty-aught-seven, I got two more A's in my classes, and an incomplete in another class, because it isn't quite done yet. The final project's due date was pushed back to the 4th of January. I planned on this being a working holiday, but I won't get to do as much research as I would have liked.

This semester is more momentous than I am letting on. I intend for those courses to be the last I take in the department, or ever, unless I decide to get certified to teach high school classes. Anyways, next semester will be devoted to research and teaching. For those of you who are familiar (and likely, annoyed) with Hawk Harrelson, it's time for me to "cinch up and hunker down."

In other news, I will be in illin'-noise on Saturday or Sunday for a few days. I am going with my parents to see my brother in Arrr-kansas in the first days of twenty-aught-eight. That coincides with my project due date, which is hopefully good motivation for me to make progress right now.

In completely trivial news (not trivia news), I am actually completing a World Beer Tour at Old Chicago this afternoon. My prevailing feeling on this? Mildly pathetic.

Two things to say about the Mitchell Report

2007-12-13T21:39:00.000-06:00

1. Clemens? No surprise.

2. There are a lot of backup/journeymen catchers here. And that really makes sense.

P.S. Speaking of catchers, I first saw Gregg Zaun with the Kane County Cougars in 1991. I heard he was Rick Dempsey's nephew. I thought that was interesting. That was 16 years ago.

Big day

2007-12-04T19:15:00.000-06:00

The gloves have officially come off.

Also, look at this ISD article, where they "quote" Casey Luskin as saying Gonzalez has a "stellar reputation as a cosmologist and an astrologer."

Now, I certainly don't agree with ID or its proponents, but I don't think Luskin believes in astrology. I couldn't find that quoted in the DM Register, or anywhere else, and found him quoted online as saying "Astrology isn't real. ID is."

That tells me that ISD really needs a freaking copy editor. They started misspelling Gonzalez's name midway through the article. Such morons.

P.S. I'd say more about the e-mail controversy, but that would not be good for me or anybody.

This is why I'm sad.

2007-11-16T15:24:00.000-06:00

The Cyclone Truck Stop is closing.

I will miss the chili tender, a recent discovery of mine. It is a pork tenderloin, covered in chili, on top of a hot dog bun. I never felt more American after eating that.

Where will I get my corn bread now?

Where will I go after midnight for coffee? I don't want to step up to Perkins.

I want my dive restaurant. Angie's Kitchen isn't open every day of the week.

I can barely form cogent sentences right now. Somebody help me.

Am I the only who finds this neat?

2007-11-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

Take a look at this map, which shows what NFL game will air on CBS this Sunday at 3 PM CST. Note that the only place in America showing the other game (Hou-Oak) is Houston. Apparently, the Bay Area is using the flimsy excuse of the Raiders not selling out to show the Greatest Regular Season American Football Contest Ever.

I, for one, applaud this action. I would hate to be in SF, not caring about the Raiders, not have DirecTV, and not being able to see Pats-Colts.

I'm still not eating there

2007-10-27T15:36:00.000-05:00

Congratulations, McDonald's. This is your best commercial in years.

Ah, Monday.

2007-10-22T18:34:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have something to say, but I can't remember what, so I'm going to ramble on.

I was behind my car's steering wheel for fourteen hours this weekend. It was troubling to learn that I REALLY need sunglasses to drive in a sunny sky. Lousy blue eyes. Lousy missing lens screw in my sunglasses.

On a happier note, Ragstock was chock full of great things to wear for my Halloween costume. I'm the Mad Hatter. There will be photos this weekend.

My first trip to Ray-Town (Racine to outsiders) went off without a hitch. It was nice to see Paul and Emily for the first time in a long while.

The Bears ran the Two-Minute-Drill successfully yesterday! When did that last happen? Was Erik Kramer under center? I think a Two-Minute-Drill must begin with two minutes (or less) left on the game clock, so things like Griese-to-Hester last week or the fourteen point comeback in 2001 with Shane Matthews don't really count.

Correction: both of these drives follow that rule, as they started with 1:53 and 1:52 remaining, respectively. I guess they just don't have that John Elway panache.

Sticking with football, the weekends can be quite agonising when both of your favorite teams' offenses are so bad, they tire out the defenses, causing them injuries and making them even worse. Friggin' time of possession.

Ah, I remembered one thing I wanted to say! Family Guy, ugh. They have been running short on jokes lately, so they think it's funny to extend a non sequitur for 30 seconds. It isn't.

Plus, they ran a non sequitur sequence where they showed a Simpsons advertisement chyron with Marge, who was quickly attacked by Quagmire. This degraded into Glen sexually assaulting her, and she ran off screen. They returned a few minutes later, very satisfied. Great message. They then went over to her place, and with only the Simpsons' domicile visible, Homer eventually walks in on the infidelitous acts. As the scene continues off-camera, Quagmire proceeds to shoot the entire family to solve his dilemma.

Who would find the shooting of children of funny? Who would find accepted rape funny? I think the show finally crossed the line with me. I'm almost sad to see there is a line with me.

So it's come to this

2007-10-19T15:36:00.000-05:00

This weekend is Homecoming at Iowa State. Since I'm a grad student, I haven't noticed a thing, aside from newspaper articles. In the Friday editions of the Iowa State Daily, they print a supplemental sports section, which as you would expect, focuses on the football team's upcoming game.

However, this week they profile a baseball team from 50 years ago that did exceptionally well. Pardon me if I find this amusing, because the supplement is called "Gridiron," this weekend is the Homecoming game, and on the cover, I see a baseball team photo, but the program hasn't existed for six years.

This is probably what happens when the team is on the fast track to 0-8 in the Big 12, lost by 53 at home, and lost to a Division 1-AA...excuse me, Championship Subdivision (because they actually have a champion) team at home.

And yes, I'm bitter that my team is never mentally prepared for the prestigious Cy-Hawk Series.

Just so y'all can gauge my insanity

2007-10-11T00:26:00.000-05:00

The following is an open letter:

Dear sky,

I didn't appreciate how you jerked me around this evening. I wanted to go out to the observatory to take some photos. However, I saw the weather forecast called for a mostly cloudy evening, so I was reluctant.

Around sunset, I looked up at you. You didn't look so bad. I called up my research partner, and we agreed to meet at 10 P.M.

I looked outside again at 8:30, and saw you were displaying several stars. It's gonna be a productive night, I thought to myself.

Flash forward to 9:45. I'm hurrying home to get my bag, look at you, and find you overcast. You didn't look promising for the rest of the evening, either. I cancel the trip (about a half hour each way).

Just now, as I was returning my computer to school, I saw that you partially opened up. The hole in the clouds above me formed a giant gaping mouth, where the stars' scintillations represented dozens of tongues giving me a cosmic raspberry.

Go to hell, heavens.

GGG

It's official, we have a new favorite

2007-10-10T15:00:00.000-05:00

I have recently added a few webcomics to my routine, based on others' recommendations. While xkcd can be quite neat, the one that truly speaks to me is Dr. McNinja.

Chris Hastings has brilliantly weaved together a storyline which includes ninjas, pirates, dinosaurs, apes, zombies, robot bears, boys with magnificent mustaches, and the clone of Benjamin Franklin. I won't link to all of these, because that would be silly. However, I will link to today's strip, because it made me laugh out loud.

How sports are a distraction

2007-10-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

I was initially reluctant to read an article in SI about the Hurricanes' head football coach, Randy Shannon, until I read a recommendation from the links on Bill Simmons's page. I truly regretted my earlier apprehension.

After reading the article (and so should you before reading further), I had a few thoughts about how Shannon goes about his life.

First, I guess I would call his story inspirational. His survival of the near-complete dissolution of his family and making it out of the Miami projects leaves me awestruck. It's another example of the power of sports; in this case, it provided a tether to his sanity, or more accurately, a rope out of the quicksand.

Second, I read missives SI disapproving how Shannon has raised four children by three different women. From the article, it was my impression that he regrets his past indiscretion, but at least he is present in the lives of his children, even if he isn't comfortable living with them. I think that is a by-product of his way of life, which leads to my last point.

Third, I admit it. I don't truly understand. I don't get it. I can't possibly imagine what it's like to have four siblings with drug addictions, eventually losing three to AIDS. Last week, my family's dog was put down. She was 14, and had a litany of health issues, so I wasn't remotely surprised. Still, she was around for over half of my life. However, reading this article gives me perspective in my sense of loss. My friends and family are a foundation I shouldn't take for granted.

Who leaves a person handcuffed in a holding cell, anyway?

2007-10-03T10:49:00.000-05:00

Slate's Explainer just gave how-to instructions for slipping handcuffed arms over your head. It was mildly disturbing to hear Michelle Tsai read it during the podcast.

My only hockey post ever

2007-09-26T10:50:00.000-05:00

This sport is the topic for today because "Dollar" Bill Wirtz has just died. For those who don't know, the Wirtz family has owned the Chicago Blackhawks for over half a century, and most of the fans blame him and his crony, Bob Pulford, for the longest Stanley Cup drought in The Minor American Sports League Formerly Known As The NHL.

Needless to say, count me among those dissatisfied with his policies and actions, dating back to his mistreatment of hockey great (and terrible person) Bobby Hull. In no other city does a minor league franchise (the Wolves) have the ability to compete with a major league franchise. For damning evidence, note that the Blackhawks home games are never televised, while the Wolves have EVERY game on cable TV. No other team in the AHL (the Wolves' league, the highest level of minor league hockey) can say that.

Because of Wirtz, I never wear my Blackhawks sweater anymore, and the team's mediocre performances barely register a blip on my personal sports radar. Eventually, I may return to the fandom. It's going to take much more for them to fall back into my father' good graces.

While I'm on hockey, I want to mention something that's bothered me for a few years. The North Stars ripped out the heart of one of the two biggest hockey states in the Union fifteen years ago. The team's fanbase certainly spread to Iowa, and included at least one friend of mine. Why, then, would the Dallas Stars want to twist the knife in the collective wound by trotting out an affiliate franchise with the same name in Des Moines?

My guesses are because some people never care about hockey, some people don't care about hockey anymore, or the Minnesota Wild have sealed the wound for those that still love hockey. (That last sentence was fun to read in my head because I pronounce it "HAW-kee.")

In closing, I shall repeat what has been said by many people for about a decade: get rid of commissioner Gary Bettman.

Welcoming back with open arms

2007-09-11T22:27:00.000-05:00

(obligatory Tivo reference follows) Thanks to Tivo, I'm watching last night's Daily Show right now. Rob Corddry is back! Maybe I couldn't see him (he was in a bathroom stall), but I immediately recognized his voice.

For those who don't know, Rob is returning from his WILDLY successful sitcom, "The Winner." Wonderful.

Maybe he can start a feud with fellow bald man, Dan Bakkedahl. "Finally, the Cord has come back to the Daily Show!"

...

Oh. Sorry. That must be because I watched wrestling all summer.

Anyways, this event begs the question: with the quick demise of "Studio 60," is Nate Corddry coming back too?

Double your pleasure

2007-08-16T18:55:00.000-05:00

While I was in New York, Susan and I were going from the Met to meet some friends at a pub on the Upper West Side. Walking up Broadway, we happened upon a Tower Records which was having a final liquidation sale. We spent a half hour or so perusing the remainder of their CD selection, which reminded me how little I knew about music. I eventually managed to prize two soundtracks from the store: Thank You For Smoking and My Name is Earl. Upon examining my finds, I found that each of them had a rendition of "Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! That Cigarette." WATFO?

I'm keeping both versions on iTunes, because one is by Tex Williams and the other by Sammy Davis, Jr., respectively. If somebody can provide a compelling reason for one track over the other, I'd be happy to hear it.

Does this statement really appeal to anyone?

2007-08-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

So, I like to lump Mike Huckabee, Tom Tancredo, and Sam Brownback together as the same candidate, because they clearly engage in the same style of pandering to the churches on the conservative end of the political spectrum. Of course, the Rev. Tim Rude informs me that their differences are more apparent than I initially perceived.

Returning to the title of this post, I am stunned to see that someone with such religious conviction as Tom Tancredo would be wearing horse-blinders with regard to the sensitivity of 1/5 of the world's population, including at least 1 million of his fellow citizens. It just sounds like someone didn't deal well with bullies growing up.

Hurry up with the straw poll and the caucuses. I want these three to go away. I can deal with McCain, Thompson, Romney, and Giuliani. Oh, and Ron Paul, too. Libertarians are amusing.

My new addictions

2007-07-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

So, here's a confession to you all. My friend Alex has roped me into watching wrestling regularly for the first time since I went to college. The worst part about it is me reading Wikipedia constantly while watching Raw and Smackdown! (you need the exclamation point) on my Tivo. I missed out on several characters and angles, with my last exposure being the "invasion" of WCW and ECW into the (then) WWF. I guess I would ask you all to pray for my salvation, if I thought that would help.

On a happier note, I've learned how to wake up in the mornings! 5:45 is no longer inconceivable. In order to get myself to wake up before(!) the Sun, I go the the rec center to lift weights. On alternate days, I am trying to start a routine of going to the same location to run on the track. My inspiration for this is the Pookman's recent proclamations on Facebook. We'll see if this holds up.

Harry Potter: finished on Monday morning. I had a wedding to attend, and a reunion to reach before I could sit down and properly devour it.

Me: saying nothing for others' sakes.

I'm so proud!

2007-07-13T13:52:00.000-05:00

*sniff*
Go Pooky!

An embassy the size of the Vatican?!?

2007-07-06T23:03:00.000-05:00

This is mind-boggling. I'm ashamed I missed this. Now I know why we won't leave for a long time. Ugh.

Robots in Disguise

2007-07-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed the movie. Some funny stuff, and it was mostly intentional. Shia LeBeouf did a good job at being an awkward teenager, and Megan Fox's character seemed to receive a decent amount of characterization. However, Jon Voight and Josh Duhamel were ridiculous. Yuck. I did enjoy the VERY minor characters being played by people I recognize, like this fellow from "Titus" and Tom Lenk.

Being a geek, I was annoyed that the only returning voice actor was Peter Cullen. I rarely hear Frank Welker doing human voices; it would have been nice to hear him do Megatron again.

So, it's a bit long, but you will laugh and be entertained. See Transformers.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any more strange

2007-06-29T00:27:00.001-05:00

I was going to avoid posting about this, because I have had trouble avoiding the news stories about it. However, this Wikipedia article is horribly eerie, worse than the stuff about the Bibles. Unfathomable.

Stars and stripes forever

2007-06-23T14:36:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed this Slate slideshow regarding the uniforms of the US National Soccer Team. However, I couldn't help but feel that this looked somewhat familiar...

Oh yeah, and this reminds me, ew.

Documentaries and portable game systems

2007-06-17T23:04:00.000-05:00

I just saw the first episode of "Ice Road Truckers." I read an article about this a couple years ago. Pretty neat stuff.

I also found the DS Browser at Best Buy, which gives my DS Lite (new Game Boy, for those who don't know) access to the Internet. I like that this will eliminate my desire for an iPhone, which still looks slick.

At least they don't have six inch claws

2007-06-13T14:42:00.000-05:00

You can't keep a zombie in a closet! They're too smart! They'll figure out how to open the door in no time!

Aieeeeeeeeeee!

2007-06-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

Oh. Your. God. This is like the South Park episode, "Night of the Living Homeless," but with zombies.

some neat stuff here

2007-06-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

Now I understand the issues between Venezuela and Mexico.

About me (lately)

2007-06-11T14:19:00.000-05:00

So, I have a new laptop, after having effectively turned my last laptop into a desktop. The damaged laptop was part of the reason my blog posts became sporadic last fall. As for my new computer, it's a MacBook and I quite like it so far.

Here is a review of my interactions with technology in the last year:

The screen goes on the fritz on the Vaio, I eventually damage it further
The Vaio has those "Blue Screen of Death" problems several times, which stop after I uninstall MyTivo Desktop
My old iPod still has a broken screen, but still plays music well
My parents find an iPod in their backyard, give it to me, and its battery eventually dies
I break my cell phone (the top portion broke off), but it was still able to receive phone calls, and I was able to transfer the phone numbers when I bought a new one
I hit a deer with my car near Northfield, MN, after the White Sox bullpen blows a game against the Twins at the Metrodome
My Tivo is nice to me

So, after all this, one sentence kept running through my head recently: "This is why I can't have nice things." I even contemplated being done with 21st century technology altogether. However, Tivo kept taping Scrubs, the Office, Lost, House, and the end of Gilmore Girls for me, so came back from the edge. I decided instead to drink a little more.

So, posting will be a little more frequent again, as I juggle research, teaching, learning programming (the class is Java, but my research is usually C or FORTRAN), and many travels through Iowa. It'll be an interesting summer for me, at least.

Heh. And ew.

2007-06-08T01:32:00.000-05:00

Happy World Ocean Day!

And happy birthday to Barbara Bush, Suharto, Joan Rivers, Eddie Gaedel, Boz Scaggs, Rob Pilatus, and Scott Adams. Apparently, Muhammad died on this day as well. Great.

I suppose, in response, I will mention these other birthdays or anniversaries of birth:
Giovanni Cassini, who noticed a gap in Saturn's ears
Frank Lloyd Wright
Kanye West
Jerry Stiller, who may now be more known for the fruit of his loin, and speaking of which,
Nancy Sinatra
Bonnie Tyler, I hope your greatest hit is stuck in my head all freakin' day.

Susan is coming in this evening, along with my sister. Hopefully, I will still have clear eyesight by then.

Mayday mayday...

2007-05-01T01:51:00.000-05:00

How appropriate of a title, because this is the first time a student has infuriated me. Obviously, I won't reveal more, and it was due to an e-mail, but sheesh.

Anyways, it's been a busy month. Two finals coming.

Woo-hoo!*

2007-03-22T16:43:00.000-05:00

*Keeping my fingers crossed...

Follow my words, not my actions

2007-03-16T01:55:00.000-05:00

My brilliant advice for everybody before spring break was "Don't set any goals; you won't achieve them. You'll just be relieved to have the rest, so there's no sense in wasting it by worrying about what you resolved to do."

So here I am, 2 a.m. on a (technically) Friday, biting my nails thinking about my mid-term(s), my homework, my research, and my project. Cripes. In other news, I've been cussing less this year.

Inertia brings me back to the (New) CW

2007-02-13T19:23:00.000-06:00

Ugh. I'm just trudging along, waiting for this series to end. I'm keeping the name, but now, it's in memoriam to a once-great show. At least I don't have to watch it on VCR anymore. Tivo tivo, Tivo tivo tivo, tivo Tivo tivo. I can't wait to see what happens to your minor female characters. Maybe Paris will ALSO get pregnant. Or Babette. Or Miss Patty. Or Emily. Or Taylor. Or Michel.

Ok, I've said my peace and counted to three. Goodbye Gilmore Girls. See you when I get home.

Don't laugh, it's not funny

2007-01-02T20:43:00.000-06:00

First Larry David made Seinfeld dated with Curb Your Enthusiasm. Well, just in case you weren't sure about Michael Richards completely ruining the show, check out this clip.

So wrong, yet so awesome.

a post about comic books

2006-12-30T23:00:00.000-06:00

I had to write this somewhere. Happy New Year to everyone, comics fans or not.

In the DC series 52, I think Supernova is actually the original post-Crisis Supergirl, Matrix. I initially thought it might be the Ray (who is also idle in the DCU at the moment), but that seems like an incredible advancement in his powers. Supergirl could exhibit such abilities, and she has shapeshifted into men before. (EDIT: I just read that the Matrix Supergirl lost her morphing abilities some time ago, when she first merged with Linda Danvers. I'm sure the writers could get around that in some way.)

I haven't read any of Seven Soldiers, but considering Darkseid's status in that story and Scott Free's absence, Mister Miracle (or any other New God) could conceivably be in the costume as well.

Ranking my guesses, I would say Matrix Supergirl is number 1, Ray Terrill is number 2, and some Mother Box-enhanced New God is number 3.

These vagabond shoes

2006-12-24T00:18:00.000-06:00

Ah, once a month posts. the perfect way to cultivate a readership.

Anyhow, I finished my first semester with a fair amount of insanity and an unhealthy amount of sleep. I've got the grades back, and I'm mostly satisfied. Whew. Whee. So, now that I have a break, it's story time.

Last month, I said to myself, "I should see Avenue Q." I responded, "To do that, you have to go to New York."

So, last month, I told Susan, "We should go to New York to see Avenue Q." She responded by saying her middle name, "Kay."

So, right after my finals, we hopped on a plane to NY. One aspect of Susan's awesomeness is her many relatives in varied and convenient locations, including the Upper West Side of Manhattan.

All I will say about the last week is the following six items:

1. So much art. And we didn't even go to the Met.

2. Avenue Q is as hilarious as the songs I had already memorized.

3. Manhattan is real nice to visit, if you have the money, and a Metro Pass.

4. He he, Yoshinoya and Uniqlo are in NYC.

5. La Guardia is a pain, but at least we got back before The Fog®.

6. I'm quite happy (and relieved) that Susan could tolerate eight days around me.

Ask about the cab ride later. I've learned my lesson.

Take your championship ring and shut up

2006-11-29T19:52:00.000-06:00

Albert Pujols is continuing his fast track towards replacing Barry Bonds in surliness as well as power.

As for me, I think the honor of the playoffs should also go to a worthy team, not a team that lost 79 games in the regular season.

The Halloween weekend in review

2006-11-01T12:33:00.000-06:00

Friday:
The Cardinals win. These are the World Champions. Ugh.

Saturday:
I win $75 for second place in a costume contest. No photos for here yet; I want to surprise some people. Sigh, there's no beating Vince Vega and Mia Wallace when she has a hypodermic needle in her chest.

FPM comes dressed as Dr. Acula. Sweeeeet.

Sunday:
Susan tells me I drank 2 1/2 pitchers last night, among other things. Hmm.

I turn on the Bears game, and the announcer sounds like Pat Summerall. It turns out I'm right. The Bears rampage towards a 41-0 halftime lead. I'm not quite sure if I'm hungover.

Every morning is an adventure (it builds character)

2006-10-31T10:18:00.000-06:00

People of my generation (whippersnappers) often joke about people of previous generations (old or dead) and their arduous trips to school, where, apparently, everyone lived at least five miles away, and the school was on the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro.

In particular, I always enjoyed how the home happened to transpose locations with the school and was now on said summit.

After a couple months on the bike, I joke no more about "Uphill. Both ways."

You see, the key to the story is you go uphill and downhill each way. You never remember the easy parts.

Here's my question: was flooding such a danger that these buildings all had to be at the top of the hill? I'll never understand history.

So, I didn't die during my seminar talk...

2006-10-12T20:57:00.000-05:00

...but I learned that, like most Americans, I fear public speaking more than death. Of course, those two hours of sleep didn't help very much either.

Anyways, here is my submission for the stupidest word I've heard this year: "falsity." As in, "truth or falsity." Ugh. It sounds like somebody forgot the words "validity" and "veracity" existed, and then forcefed this gem down Noah Webster's throat.

If you want another example of why scientists can't speak English, not only did someone say "nucular" today, they also said "nuculei" (the plural for nucleus).

In other news, I saw "The Departed" last week. Sweet. I'm convinced Mark Wahlberg was only hired because he's from Southie (although he did great).

In pointless Sox news, I will never forget the game times on weekdays next season. Heh. I also didn't know 7-Eleven recently acquired White Hen Pantry. Interesting (to people from the Chicago area)...

Just 34 days away...

2006-09-27T23:25:00.000-05:00

Phase one of my Halloween costume is complete. I have the main costume, and the maracas. Next comes the clothing accessories, painting the maracas the right color, sign construction, and, most likely, song acquisition. Those of you who are in the know, he he. Those of you who aren't, you will find out eventually. I may actually get around to posting THOSE photos.

Susan has borne witness to me in the costume. Heh.

I'll be seeing some of you this weekend at SkipperDee's wedding, provided I survive my seminar talk. Friday, 4 PM, 20 minutes on a Nature article on the rapid formation of a galaxy from 10 billion years ago. Afterwards, I'll drag what's left to Iowa City.

40 hours until my doom...

I can't believe this made CNN.com's front page

2006-09-19T18:36:00.000-05:00

Gibson daughter marries Kenny Wayne Shepherd

This is ridiculous. Half the article is devoted to Mel Gibson's DUI arrest. Hell, for a second before opening the article, I thought up the Gibson daughter candidates, like 1988 World Series hero Kirk. I then realized the best possibility: Shepherd loves Gibson guitars so much that he married the daughter of Gibson, whoever he/she is/was. Now THAT'S devotion to music.

Good football weekend...

2006-09-19T00:59:00.000-05:00

...bad baseball weekend. I'm sure the RHS and the Fisherprice Daddy don't share that sentiment. Oy. The White Sox gave up three walks (that I witnessed) in the seventh inning on Saturday, killing the game for them, and officially killing the season for me. Of course, I commemorated this by wildly losing my temper and immediately regretting it afterwards. Fun times. I'm an idiot. I need to sit down and watch my 9 DVDs.

So, in other news, the Bears were beautiful. I'm so happy that I can watch the offense and not wince. As for the Hawks, they made a fine comeback, despite the Cyclones putting up an admirable effort. I just hope McCarney can actually motivate them for the rest of the season.

The Game (not in the Bay Area)

2006-09-16T11:08:00.000-05:00

A few of my friends have asked me who I would be rooting for this weekend, as if it were even under deliberation. My response to them was "if Iowa State was playing [insert undergraduate
alma mater here], who would you root for?"

Sadly, some of them failed to see my point because their school would never play ISU.

Just to clear things up, I rooted for Notre Dame growing up because my parents never went to a major school and I lived in the Chicago area. In high school, my allegiances shifted to Nortwestern, a memory I try to repress (although it helps me hate Southern Cal). For the last seven years, I have been a Hawkeye fan. I may not bleed black & gold, but I will share one sentiment.

BEAT STATE

Go Bears! among other things

2006-09-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

Well, grad school has been fun, since I get to be around people my age again. However, I have a lot more work to do, and I haven't settled into a healthy routine yet. Once I do, things will improve around here.

In other news, I've bought a bike. I already love it.

A rare GG post from GGG

2006-08-15T00:32:00.000-05:00

Traci, in a previous post, remarked on my current blog header, "gonna miss the Palladinos." Naturally, this reminded me of their last episode on the show, and felt the need to do the following post.

Gilmore Girls fans, this is your chance to respond to the sixth season finale. Please, you need catharsis from the events of that episode, so let the vitriol flow. I already did this in May when I was in Japan and talking to Julia and Wimsey's Woman, so I'm good. Here's a transcript of the conversation:

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!

All: I can't believe she did that! And you so KNEW it was gonna happen! Augh!

Thank you. Anyone else? Mary? Traci? Susan? Let it out, Pooky, it'll be ok.

My first and last w00t

2006-08-15T00:22:00.000-05:00

So, all of my rooms have been painted (finally), my toilet is fixed (I hope), and my A/C doesn't leak anymore (thank God). I was able to move my furniture back into place, and the only things that remain are a desk I have yet to receive from my sister and my wall hangings to be rehung. I am just about settled in. I even have patio chairs (until the nogoodniks take them).

I love this place. Quiet, I wake up to the sun (my room faces east and north, rock!), I have central air I like to have but don't use, and my garage is fantastic.

And, should you ever wish to be ensconced in my leather chair and sofa, you will be greeted at my door by the only piece of Iowa State memorabilia I will ever have: a welcome mat.

Gotta keep my feet clean. ;)

The locomotive references end after this

2006-08-08T01:20:00.000-05:00

Fret not, folks. I merely used E-Rock for the title of a previous blog post for the following reasons:

-I was cleverly paraphrasing the Rock (if I do say so myself).

-I never refer to myself in the third person, so I had to assume another identity, as opposed to my bestowed (I think that is the right link) and beloved nickname.

-I try to keep usage of my nickname limited, so it doesn't become tired. It is a thing to be treasured. E-Rock, however, I can use without any qualms.

To summarize, the E-Train is still running on schedule.

If you thought racing movies were dumb

2006-08-08T01:02:00.000-05:00

This is a word of mouth warning. Do not let your aversion to NASCAR (or stupid Southerners [which doesn't mean that all Southerners are stupid] deter you from seeing Talladega Nights.

This movie is freakin' funny. Bust your gut funny. Sure, there is less funny when they have to shove the plot along, but they put in a few gems, including the entire "diamond in an ice storm" scene.

These Ferrell/Apatow/McKay collaborations have the added bonus of women saying some really funny stuff, as opposed to being just background in every scene. I point to Christina Applegate in Anchorman, and Molly Shannon is delightful in TN:tBoRB (we call him TN for short).

So, please, give this movie your time and money. It will be worth it. You have my Guarantee*.

And while I have you here, if you haven't seen Anchorman, or didn't enjoy it the first time, see it again. It gets better. You don't truly enjoy the movie until you see the mayonnaise.

*Sorry, Tennessee. Guarantee void there.**

**Guarantee also void in 49 other states, all U.S. territories, Canada, U.K., and if you speak English.

Finally, the E-Rock has come back to Iowa!

2006-08-03T20:54:00.000-05:00

(Three false things about that title: I don't refer to myself in the third person, only one person has ever called me E-Rock, and I've been in and out of Iowa for months now.)

Anyhow, I'm all settled into Ames now. My profuse thanks go out to my parents, my sister, and my gal for helping me move in. I've had a truly busy summer, including seeing Wicked and the treasures of Tutankhamun's tomb in Chicago, and Pirates of Penzance in Iowa City. Interestingly, the Wicked book is allegedly worse than the movie. While a movie (or in this case, a musical) being better than a novel is rare, I have heard a similar assessment from another source regarding the novel Big Fish.

I'm sick of penalty kicks

2006-07-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

Sorry, more soccer musings.

Anyways, I hate how a penalty in the box is an automatic goal (or to paraphase the Bry-man, 75% of the time, it's a goal every time). So, with my friend Mariano, I have devised an alternative that won't go far past this site.

In the spirit of hockey, I say the offending defender gets sent off the pitch for, say five minutes. It's negotiable. But having one guy off in "o jogo bonito" doesn't have the effect it does in hockey, where you lose 20% of your offense. So, the managers get one of two options for an additional short-term advantage:

A. They can add an extra player to the pitch for the same time period, making it 12-10 in normal play.

B. Their team can be allowed offsides for those five minutes.

I don't believe this is against the spirit of soccer (or whatever your druthers), but if you disagree, or have comments, please discuss.

Hugamos? Willkommen zum Fussball.

2006-07-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

Well, this explains why Pedro didn't pick Pelé for his team.

My ears are burning

2006-06-27T00:52:00.000-05:00

For those of you who didn't read about the NHL entry draft (I assume that's everyone), take one minute and check it out.

I need a nickname to curse when the Češi throttles my team

2006-06-14T00:40:00.000-05:00

John Anderson, I would have LOVED it if the Americans played like Ka ká, as you think you drolly put it. Take your rhetoric elsewhere. Jackass.

(There. I feel better now. Thanks for letting me vent.)

OK, the lovely folks at Sam's Army (as in Uncle) have a great name for their soccer fan club. Can they get together (like right now) and come up with a nickname for the US National Team? "Red, White, & Blue," "Stars and Stripes," and "Yanks" just don't cut it for me. Why not the Eagles, the Bald Eagles, the Baldys, or the 11 of the 50? Those are my ideas; I would like to hear better ones.

From the Minister of Stupid Coincidences

2006-06-14T00:26:00.000-05:00

MEMORANDUM

In 2006, the Chicago Rush won Arena Bowl XX in their first appearance in the AFL's championship. This came in Mike Ditka's third season as part owner. (He is also responsible for the team's mascot, Grabowski, who wears jersey number 89.)

In 1986, the Chicago Bears won Super Bowl XX in their first appearance in the NFL's championship. This came in Mike Ditka's fourth season as head coach.

Coincidence? Yeah, sure.

That is all.

-GGG, MoSC

Start spreading the news...

2006-05-22T08:13:00.000-05:00

I worked a lot lately. Aside from the occasional welcome visitor, I haven't done much, either. The reason for that is I'm skipping town today, and by "town," I mean "hemisphere."

That's right, I'm taking a two-week jaunt over to Japan to see JET friends before they depart as well. I'm gonna see Hokkaido an' Nagoya an' this place known as the Bridge of Heaven. If you bend over and look at between your legs, you can reconcile the sandbar to Shinto creation mythology. Which says a lot.

So, I'll be back. Or, I shall return.

A trivial and silly little story

2006-05-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

While I was in the Math Lab this week, a guy walks in through the office/lounge, looking fairly clueless, especially because he came in through the wrong door. I asked, already knowing the answer, what he was here to do. Using the stock response, he replied, "I'm here to take a test." I told him that it was 2:30, and since the lab was closing at 3, we weren't giving out any more tests until 5. I then added, "Also, you shouldn't come in through that door. The entrance to the Math Lab is over there." He apologised, but I waved it off, saying it wasn't necessary.

Since he couldn't take the test, he turned to leave...the way he came in. Stunned, I dropped my head on my desk. When I rose, I saw he realized his mistake. I like to think that my obnoxious gesture made a difference, but probably not.

It's been a damn long time since my last confession

2006-04-21T16:00:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday, I turned on the Cubs game in the 7th inning. Not one minute later, Derrek Lee sandwiched his wrist between himself and Rafael Furcal. Two months. I feel partially responsible. To all proper Cubs fans, I'm sorry. It's my fault, not the Onion's.

That coffee is like making love in a canoe

2006-04-20T21:08:00.000-05:00

I just finished David Sedaris's Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim... as an audio book. I chose this undertaking because I drive a minimum of 100 minutes every weekday, and figured I could plow through somebody else reading the book for me in a reasonable amount of time. I only wish I had thought of this sooner, as I only have three weeks left in the semester, and the summer session doesn't start until June. I think Cold Mountain or the Da Vinci Code are next for me.

I've only read Me Talk Pretty One Day, but it allowed me to make some observations about this audio book, which was narrated by Sedaris. I have yet to attend any of his readings, but I now understand that he wasn't kidding about his voice. Fortunately, he has overcome the lisp he had as a child (except when I heard him say "tapas").

Sedaris's impression of his brother is amazing. I knew Paul had a proclivity for profanity, but I never considered that North Carolina would corrupt his accent. (Sedaris referred to Paul's Southern drawl in Dress Your Family..., but I don't recall this being mentioned in Me Talk Pretty...)

As a former expat (or should that be repat?), I especially enjoyed the discussion about ridiculous cultural comparisons in "Six to Eight Black Men." I can't remember how a rooster call sounds in Japanese. I am bothered enough to want to call somebody in Japan to find out right now.

So...yeah, read this.

"My word of the day" or "I have a dirty mind"

2006-04-19T20:31:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentleman, micturate. Checking the synonyms, I see that you can use "make" in this sense, especially with regard to animals. I love language.

Here's a bonus dictionary.com link. Read the word history for internecine, which I have subtitled, "Samuel Johnson's boner."

a threat of violence

2006-04-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

I think I will clock the next person I see wearing this logo on a hat.

Hopefully, it will be the sunglasses-wearing eponym donning that cap.

Watch out, more baseball...

2006-04-12T22:28:00.000-05:00

Well, reading last week's SI, I find out that the Unwritten Rules of Sport were, indeed, written down. By none other than their second-best magazine columnist, Rick Reilly. In 1995. Checking my watch, that is six years before certain events instigated by members the San Diego Padres occurred.

Looking back, 2001 was such a weird season. 73 home runs. 116 wins. Mr. November. A four-year old franchise becoming the champs. Potential contraction.

And the White Sox. Such comedy. Consider these events.

David Wells admitted to Bryant Gumbel he was hungover the day of his perfect game (which he denied years later upon the release of his book). Jeff Liefer (now of the 西武 Lions) and Jose Canseco (now of the Surreal Life) thought they were legitimate everybody players. (That summer, I witnessed Canseco's 199th steal firsthand. You'll have to pry that memory from my cold, dead hands.) Frank Thomas tearing his tricep while diving for a ball in his third game at first base. And best of all, the complete self-destruction of 90% of the pitching staff. Dusty Baker has nothing on the work of Jerry Manuel and Nardi Contreras. And they still won 83 games after a 14-29 start.

Stop the presses! Hold the phone! Don't touch that dial!

2006-04-08T23:41:00.000-05:00

Hehe, Internet archaeologists will have no idea what that title means.

Anyways, due to clamoring from various sources, I set up a new section that links to photo albums. Unfortunately, I have not gotten around to putting my own photos on the World. Wide. Web. For now, you will have to make do with the albums set up by my ex.

In conclusion, this is an update, but not really an update. We now return you to your regularly scheduled drivel.

First Blair, then MIller, now Shortz?!?

2006-04-08T12:45:00.000-05:00

Always good to have a reminder that I'm still a young'un. I had never thought about the etymology of "scumbag" (cue up GI Joe or NBC's "The More You Know" music). Coincidentally, I was informing some people at work this week about the origin of the word "gyp."

Haven't had much to say lately...

2006-04-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

...so I will write about what I've done lately.

Although this opinion has been expressed to me ad infinitum by some people, this week's episode of Gilmore Girls has compelled me to do the same here. Rory's a bitch.

I started this about a month ago, so I think it's safe to say this and not jinx my, dare I say, routine. I'm actually waking up at 6:30 and running in the mornings. After two weeks, I was already noticing a difference, although I run for less than 20 minutes and little more than a mile. We'll see if my knee holds up. (Thankfully, I have never had shin splints.) (Knocking furiously on wood.)

Like a total jackass, I put 1200 miles on my car during spring break, in trips to Indiana, and every town in Iowa home to a state university. During that time, I made curry (Japanese), did somebody else's dishes, drank too much, played with a 34-month old (twice), and dined at the illustrous Legends in Ames, a seventh floor restaurant from which you can see the skyline of ISU. I saw mostly sky. (Thank you, thank you, the 9:30 is completely different from the 7:30; it gets a little blue.)

Work has been pretty good, albeit lazy at times. I find that I can never guess anybody's age anymore, and I find that these students are my age more often than the folks fresh out of high school.

One of my students (at least my age) is trying to learn basic geometry concepts and doing poorly. I had always attributed it to poor study habits and work ethic, but I've learned there is a more substantial reason. Last night, when asked 7 times 4, he replied, "I don't know that off the top of my head." He has been trying to calculate the area of a rectangle without rote knowledge of the multiplication tables.

Next Friday, there is no school because of, get this, "Reading Day." Gotta love those Christians. I'm sure there will be lots of reading.

Way better than the squirrel on water skis

2006-04-02T23:38:00.000-05:00

Watch this. Now.