I'm still not eating there

Congratulations, McDonald's. This is your best commercial in years.

Ah, Monday.

I feel like I have something to say, but I can't remember what, so I'm going to ramble on.

I was behind my car's steering wheel for fourteen hours this weekend. It was troubling to learn that I REALLY need sunglasses to drive in a sunny sky. Lousy blue eyes. Lousy missing lens screw in my sunglasses.

On a happier note, Ragstock was chock full of great things to wear for my Halloween costume. I'm the Mad Hatter. There will be photos this weekend.

My first trip to Ray-Town (Racine to outsiders) went off without a hitch. It was nice to see Paul and Emily for the first time in a long while.

The Bears ran the Two-Minute-Drill successfully yesterday! When did that last happen? Was Erik Kramer under center? I think a Two-Minute-Drill must begin with two minutes (or less) left on the game clock, so things like Griese-to-Hester last week or the fourteen point comeback in 2001 with Shane Matthews don't really count.

Correction: both of these drives follow that rule, as they started with 1:53 and 1:52 remaining, respectively. I guess they just don't have that John Elway panache.

Sticking with football, the weekends can be quite agonising when both of your favorite teams' offenses are so bad, they tire out the defenses, causing them injuries and making them even worse. Friggin' time of possession.

Ah, I remembered one thing I wanted to say! Family Guy, ugh. They have been running short on jokes lately, so they think it's funny to extend a non sequitur for 30 seconds. It isn't.

Plus, they ran a non sequitur sequence where they showed a Simpsons advertisement chyron with Marge, who was quickly attacked by Quagmire. This degraded into Glen sexually assaulting her, and she ran off screen. They returned a few minutes later, very satisfied. Great message. They then went over to her place, and with only the Simpsons' domicile visible, Homer eventually walks in on the infidelitous acts. As the scene continues off-camera, Quagmire proceeds to shoot the entire family to solve his dilemma.

Who would find the shooting of children of funny? Who would find accepted rape funny? I think the show finally crossed the line with me. I'm almost sad to see there is a line with me.

So it's come to this

This weekend is Homecoming at Iowa State. Since I'm a grad student, I haven't noticed a thing, aside from newspaper articles. In the Friday editions of the Iowa State Daily, they print a supplemental sports section, which as you would expect, focuses on the football team's upcoming game.

However, this week they profile a baseball team from 50 years ago that did exceptionally well. Pardon me if I find this amusing, because the supplement is called "Gridiron," this weekend is the Homecoming game, and on the cover, I see a baseball team photo, but the program hasn't existed for six years.

This is probably what happens when the team is on the fast track to 0-8 in the Big 12, lost by 53 at home, and lost to a Division 1-AA...excuse me, Championship Subdivision (because they actually have a champion) team at home.

And yes, I'm bitter that my team is never mentally prepared for the prestigious Cy-Hawk Series.

Just so y'all can gauge my insanity

The following is an open letter:

Dear sky,

I didn't appreciate how you jerked me around this evening. I wanted to go out to the observatory to take some photos. However, I saw the weather forecast called for a mostly cloudy evening, so I was reluctant.

Around sunset, I looked up at you. You didn't look so bad. I called up my research partner, and we agreed to meet at 10 P.M.

I looked outside again at 8:30, and saw you were displaying several stars. It's gonna be a productive night, I thought to myself.

Flash forward to 9:45. I'm hurrying home to get my bag, look at you, and find you overcast. You didn't look promising for the rest of the evening, either. I cancel the trip (about a half hour each way).

Just now, as I was returning my computer to school, I saw that you partially opened up. The hole in the clouds above me formed a giant gaping mouth, where the stars' scintillations represented dozens of tongues giving me a cosmic raspberry.

Go to hell, heavens.

GGG

It's official, we have a new favorite

I have recently added a few webcomics to my routine, based on others' recommendations. While xkcd can be quite neat, the one that truly speaks to me is Dr. McNinja.

Chris Hastings has brilliantly weaved together a storyline which includes ninjas, pirates, dinosaurs, apes, zombies, robot bears, boys with magnificent mustaches, and the clone of Benjamin Franklin. I won't link to all of these, because that would be silly. However, I will link to today's strip, because it made me laugh out loud.

How sports are a distraction

I was initially reluctant to read an article in SI about the Hurricanes' head football coach, Randy Shannon, until I read a recommendation from the links on Bill Simmons's page. I truly regretted my earlier apprehension.

After reading the article (and so should you before reading further), I had a few thoughts about how Shannon goes about his life.

First, I guess I would call his story inspirational. His survival of the near-complete dissolution of his family and making it out of the Miami projects leaves me awestruck. It's another example of the power of sports; in this case, it provided a tether to his sanity, or more accurately, a rope out of the quicksand.

Second, I read missives SI disapproving how Shannon has raised four children by three different women. From the article, it was my impression that he regrets his past indiscretion, but at least he is present in the lives of his children, even if he isn't comfortable living with them. I think that is a by-product of his way of life, which leads to my last point.

Third, I admit it. I don't truly understand. I don't get it. I can't possibly imagine what it's like to have four siblings with drug addictions, eventually losing three to AIDS. Last week, my family's dog was put down. She was 14, and had a litany of health issues, so I wasn't remotely surprised. Still, she was around for over half of my life. However, reading this article gives me perspective in my sense of loss. My friends and family are a foundation I shouldn't take for granted.

Who leaves a person handcuffed in a holding cell, anyway?

Slate's Explainer just gave how-to instructions for slipping handcuffed arms over your head. It was mildly disturbing to hear Michelle Tsai read it during the podcast.